Tough Questions and Big Topics
Introductions
Discussion
Discussion about the text below
Closing
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Topic Introduction
If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve been asked a question or two (or a hundred) by your child that left you with a blank look on your face and your tongue tied in knots. We have a hard enough time wrestling with these questions ourselves, much less putting it in language that our child can understand. So how should we as parents respond to our kids’ tough questions about life, death, politics, sex, loss, relationships, and faith?
There are, of course, no easy answers to our children’s toughest questions (although there are lots of books out there that try to give us the perfect answer for these questions)! But there are plenty of suggestions offered by both parents and experts about how we can best respond to our children’s with both honesty and integrity, including the following tips:
Asking your child what they think.This may seem like a profoundly lame, cop-out answer but it is actually one of the best responses you can give. Oftentimes, especially with young kids, there may be something else behind their initial question that you’ll only be able to get out by hearing them talk. And, yes, it also gives you a little bit of breathing room to think up an answer!
Don’t feel guilty about not having the perfect answer.Robert Evans, a clinical psychologist who works with parenting education programs, once remarked “there’s an epidemic among parents – a crisis of confidence and competence”. Experts are now desired for everything – from the best teachers to the best sports program to the best advice. We worry about giving our kids the best answer, when perhaps all they wanted was just to hear how their mom or dad talks about that topic.
Be mindful about the conversation’s tone / feel above what you specifically say.Whether it’s a talk about death or a loved one dying that ended in a hug, or a confusing anecdote about the birds and the bees that felt awkward, the way that a conversation feels to a child will be their primary memory of that talk. Many conversations about death, divorce, and even faith can come from genuine fears about their safety, their value to you, or their importance. Make sure they feel your love for them come through in your talk.
Don’t be afraid to return to the conversation later.There can be a temptation to have an answer right on the spot, but if you find yourself wishing you’d said something else, don’t just wish – say it! Returning to conversations – especially ones about difficult topics – helps reinforce that you take your children’s questions seriously and that you’re someone they can bring these types of questions to.
- Before the discussion begins, take 5 minutes to talk with a neighbor about how your week has been (highs, lows, etc.).
- Invite everyone to read the short topic introduction at the bottom of this page.
- Go around the circle and invite people to answer this question, as well as sharing their name if the group is new: What is the hardest question that your child has ever asked you and do you remember how you responded?
Discussion
- Some have theorized that the rise in two-worker households has led to parents feeling guilty about not being as connected with their kids on a daily basis, fueling a desire to make the time they do have near perfect. Others have suggested that there are far more opinions/viewpoints accessible today, leading to a sense of paralysis about what the “right” thing to do is. Do you think you put undue pressure on yourself to have the “right” answer for your kids’ questions? If so, where do you think that pressure comes from?
- Do you have any memories of your parents giving answers to you about some of the difficult/big questions in life? What jumps out most in your mind?
- How do you think parenting has changed from your parents’ generation? Is it easier or harder to be a parent today… or is it just different?
Discussion about the text below
- What about the suggestions offered, if anything, do you find to be helpful? Does anything make you roll your eyes and say, “It’s not that easy”?
- Is there anything that you would add to the list?
Closing
- When you feel good about finishing your discussion, have everyone close in prayer – someone can pray for the group, you can split off into pairs and pray for one another, or you can just take a quick 10 seconds of silent prayer.
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Topic Introduction
If you’re a parent, chances are you’ve been asked a question or two (or a hundred) by your child that left you with a blank look on your face and your tongue tied in knots. We have a hard enough time wrestling with these questions ourselves, much less putting it in language that our child can understand. So how should we as parents respond to our kids’ tough questions about life, death, politics, sex, loss, relationships, and faith?
There are, of course, no easy answers to our children’s toughest questions (although there are lots of books out there that try to give us the perfect answer for these questions)! But there are plenty of suggestions offered by both parents and experts about how we can best respond to our children’s with both honesty and integrity, including the following tips:
Asking your child what they think.This may seem like a profoundly lame, cop-out answer but it is actually one of the best responses you can give. Oftentimes, especially with young kids, there may be something else behind their initial question that you’ll only be able to get out by hearing them talk. And, yes, it also gives you a little bit of breathing room to think up an answer!
Don’t feel guilty about not having the perfect answer.Robert Evans, a clinical psychologist who works with parenting education programs, once remarked “there’s an epidemic among parents – a crisis of confidence and competence”. Experts are now desired for everything – from the best teachers to the best sports program to the best advice. We worry about giving our kids the best answer, when perhaps all they wanted was just to hear how their mom or dad talks about that topic.
Be mindful about the conversation’s tone / feel above what you specifically say.Whether it’s a talk about death or a loved one dying that ended in a hug, or a confusing anecdote about the birds and the bees that felt awkward, the way that a conversation feels to a child will be their primary memory of that talk. Many conversations about death, divorce, and even faith can come from genuine fears about their safety, their value to you, or their importance. Make sure they feel your love for them come through in your talk.
Don’t be afraid to return to the conversation later.There can be a temptation to have an answer right on the spot, but if you find yourself wishing you’d said something else, don’t just wish – say it! Returning to conversations – especially ones about difficult topics – helps reinforce that you take your children’s questions seriously and that you’re someone they can bring these types of questions to.