Sharing Our Family Stories
Introductions
Discussion about the text on back
Discussion about storytelling and our faith
Closing
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Topic Introduction
“The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong sense of family narrative… Researchers from Emory University discovered the more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the better they believed their families functioned.
They developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked children to answer 20 questions. Examples included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth? Surprisingly, even amongst a myriad of other factors, the “Do You Know?” scale was the single best predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.
And then something unexpected happened. Two months later was Sept. 11. As citizens, the researchers were horrified like everyone else, but as psychologists, they knew they had been given a rare opportunity: though the families they studied had not been directly affected by the events, all the children had experienced the same national trauma at the same time. The researchers went back and reassessed the children. Once again, the ones who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress.
Why does knowing where your grandmother went to school help a child overcome something as minor as a skinned knee or as major as a terrorist attack? The answers have to do with a sense of being part of a larger family. The child belongs to something bigger than themselves.”
From the March 2013 New York Times article,
“The Stories That Bind Us”, written by Bruce Feiler
It’s hard to believe that sharing simple information like family history can have such a positive impact on our kids, but it is comforting on some levels too. We don’t need to memorize tips and tricks from parenting books – we all have family histories that we can share, filled with both positive and negative moments. Recalling stories around the dinner table or when interacting with wider family are incredible valuable moments – and often fall into one of three categories:
Feiler and the Emory researchers note that most families fall into the third category – and that the oscillating narrative is actually the healthiest narrative for children of all. Families that share both proud moments and shameful ones reinforces for children that their family will always stick together even when they fall, and they’ll be there to celebrate in moments of success. It may feel like silly trivia sometimes, but sharing your family story is an incredible gift for your children – and I think that fact is vital for us in our church family as well.
If you’re interested in taking the 20 questions quiz, you can find it at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marshall-p-duke/the-stories-that-bind-us-_b_2918975.htm
- Before the discussion begins, take 5 minutes to talk with a neighbor about how your week has been (highs, lows, etc.).
- Invite everyone to read the short topic introduction at the bottom of this page.
- Go around the circle and invite people to answer this question, as well as sharing their name if the group is new: Are there any particular stories that you remember your family (whether immediate or extended) sharing when they gather together? Where and when do these stories get shared, and by whom?
Discussion about the text on back
- The back of the sheet lists three basic narratives that families tell about themselves… these narratives are simplified, but I think we all know families who might fit into each category. Do you feel like your family fits into one of these categories, and how does that narrative get expressed? In daily life, or only at particular times/places?
- What events from your parents’ lives do you want to hand down to your children? What would you want your children to eventually hand down about you?
Discussion about storytelling and our faith
- Much of this topic is specific to a family’s particular history, but there are ramifications for our faith lives and our church family as well. Just as a family passes down stories, so too a church can share stories to help the congregation understand that they are a part of something better. Do you remember hearing any stories from church that have become a part of our church family narrative? What do those stories communicate?
- What role does church play in your family life / story? Are there any particular biblical stories or experiences with the church that guide your family narrative?
- Are there places where your religious beliefs and family stories match up? Or places where they differ? How can we use those stories as teaching moments for our faith?
Closing
- When you feel good about finishing your discussion, have everyone close in prayer – someone can pray for the group, you can split off into pairs and pray for one another, or you can just take a quick 10 seconds of silent prayer.
--------------------
Topic Introduction
“The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong sense of family narrative… Researchers from Emory University discovered the more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the better they believed their families functioned.
They developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked children to answer 20 questions. Examples included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth? Surprisingly, even amongst a myriad of other factors, the “Do You Know?” scale was the single best predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.
And then something unexpected happened. Two months later was Sept. 11. As citizens, the researchers were horrified like everyone else, but as psychologists, they knew they had been given a rare opportunity: though the families they studied had not been directly affected by the events, all the children had experienced the same national trauma at the same time. The researchers went back and reassessed the children. Once again, the ones who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress.
Why does knowing where your grandmother went to school help a child overcome something as minor as a skinned knee or as major as a terrorist attack? The answers have to do with a sense of being part of a larger family. The child belongs to something bigger than themselves.”
From the March 2013 New York Times article,
“The Stories That Bind Us”, written by Bruce Feiler
It’s hard to believe that sharing simple information like family history can have such a positive impact on our kids, but it is comforting on some levels too. We don’t need to memorize tips and tricks from parenting books – we all have family histories that we can share, filled with both positive and negative moments. Recalling stories around the dinner table or when interacting with wider family are incredible valuable moments – and often fall into one of three categories:
- The “Ascending” Narrative – our family came from nothing… we raised ourselves up… etc.
- The “Descending” Narrative – we used to have it all… lost everything… etc.
- The “Oscillating” Narrative – we’ve had our ups and downs… always stuck together… etc.
Feiler and the Emory researchers note that most families fall into the third category – and that the oscillating narrative is actually the healthiest narrative for children of all. Families that share both proud moments and shameful ones reinforces for children that their family will always stick together even when they fall, and they’ll be there to celebrate in moments of success. It may feel like silly trivia sometimes, but sharing your family story is an incredible gift for your children – and I think that fact is vital for us in our church family as well.
If you’re interested in taking the 20 questions quiz, you can find it at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marshall-p-duke/the-stories-that-bind-us-_b_2918975.htm