Parenting Styles
How did you learn to be a parent? If you're like most people, it was a combination of learning as you go, mixed with copying things that you remember your parents doing (or avoiding things that you hated them doing!). But while we as parents are constantly learning what our children need as they age, scientists and researchers generally break down parenting styles into four major categories.
What experts are saying: Psychologist Diana Baumrind is credited for laying the groundwork for four major categories of "parenting styles": authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. It will come as no surprise that the last category isn't exactly one to aspire to, but what does authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative parenting look like in practice?
Baumrind clearly wanted to emphasize Authoritative Parenting through her research, so what are some way that we can practice this?
What our faith says: Although it's rare that we get a full window into the world of parent-child relationships in the Bible (Genesis is perhaps the biggest exception with Joseph, Jacob, etc.), the combination of unconditional love and high expectations sounds exactly what Jesus would have held for his disciples! Much is asked of us through our faith and we shouldn't be afraid to have high expectations for our children. When we fall and fail though (and all of us will), what is important is to nurture and encourage one another through love, building each other up into the people that God has called us to be.
For further reading/reflection:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045
https://www.parentingforbrain.com/authoritative-parenting/
What experts are saying: Psychologist Diana Baumrind is credited for laying the groundwork for four major categories of "parenting styles": authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and uninvolved. It will come as no surprise that the last category isn't exactly one to aspire to, but what does authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative parenting look like in practice?
- Authoritarian Parenting - If you grew up in a strict household, you are all too familiar with Authoritarian Parenting. This is the "because I said so" parent, the ones who have strict boundaries and high demands for their kids. Boundaries and demands are certainly not bad things for kids; in fact, children with authoritarian parents are generally well-achieving. They do, however, fall shorter in crucial areas like happiness, social skills, and self-esteem.
- Permissive Parenting - A parenting style that is perhaps a response to authoritarian parents, permissive parenting is defined by parents having low expectations of their children (for example: oh, he's too young to help clean up) and are willing to tolerate bad behavior because "kids will be kids". Although permissive parents are generally very nurturing and loving towards their children, their behavior often leans in the direction of befriending children rather than functioning in the role as parents.
- Authoritative Parenting - Authoritative parents were the final style that Baumrind lifted up, and she believed offered children the best balance between affection and expectations. These parents had clear demands for their children, but they were willing to accept feedback, listen, and sometimes even change based on their kids' comments. High standards are set, but rather than punishing kids for failing to meet those standards (like an Authoritarian parent), kids are met with positive encouragement to try again.
Baumrind clearly wanted to emphasize Authoritative Parenting through her research, so what are some way that we can practice this?
- Be nurturing and supportive, first and foremost
- Have a strong belief in what your child can do, no matter their age. Push them to be their best selves, whether it's using good manners as a toddler, or being a diligent student as a high schooler.
- Be consistent in your discipline, so kids learn that they can trust what you say
- Be open-minded and willing to adapt based on your child's feedback
- When possible, emphasize positive feedback for good behavior rather than punishing kids for bad behavior.
What our faith says: Although it's rare that we get a full window into the world of parent-child relationships in the Bible (Genesis is perhaps the biggest exception with Joseph, Jacob, etc.), the combination of unconditional love and high expectations sounds exactly what Jesus would have held for his disciples! Much is asked of us through our faith and we shouldn't be afraid to have high expectations for our children. When we fall and fail though (and all of us will), what is important is to nurture and encourage one another through love, building each other up into the people that God has called us to be.
For further reading/reflection:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/types-of-parenting-styles-1095045
https://www.parentingforbrain.com/authoritative-parenting/